The rainbow reminded me, of course, of God's promise that He will never flood the earth again. I then thought, the rainbow has so much more depth to it than that. It is not just a promise that He will never flood the whole earth again. It is a promise that He will always be faithful. He will always be there watching over you. The rainbow extends over the earth just like God's watchful eyes, hands, and faithfulness does. I loved being reminded of this today during a time of solitude and thinking.
The fears come in with the fact that I don't like to journal or blog. I know why, and I never really try to get over that fear.
I have a fear that someone will read it and know the real me.
I have a fear that ink in a journal or words typed over the internet are so permanent that they cannot be destroyed. Even though elements like fire and water can ruin ink, it has still been placed in a semi-permanent existence. I choose to use pencil if I actually journal, 'cause it is not permanent one swipe of an eraser and I can destroy everything I just created.
I have a fear of really being who I am.
I have a fear of not knowing who I need to be.
I have a fear of becoming the man I know I need to be.
I have a fear of failing in other people's eyes. I feel like if I put my true self in a journal and someone got a hold of it, I would not meet up to the person they thought I was. I would not be who they thought I was.
I have a fear of not meeting that standard in other people's eyes.
I comes down to I have too much insecurity in who I am and don't want people to know that. Well, I'm going to try and work on that. Whether it's on a blog (here) or if I journal. I'm going to work on overcoming these fears. Will I be successful? I don't know, but maybe I can break down some of these fears in the process of finding that out.
