Rainbows and Fears

I saw a rainbow today. I love natural things that only God can create. It was so pretty to see the rainbow shining through with a still dreary background, the sky seemed like it didn't know if it wanted to storm or just blow on through.

The rainbow reminded me, of course, of God's promise that He will never flood the earth again. I then thought, the rainbow has so much more depth to it than that. It is not just a promise that He will never flood the whole earth again. It is a promise that He will always be faithful. He will always be there watching over you. The rainbow extends over the earth just like God's watchful eyes, hands, and faithfulness does. I loved being reminded of this today during a time of solitude and thinking.

The fears come in with the fact that I don't like to journal or blog. I know why, and I never really try to get over that fear.

I have a fear that someone will read it and know the real me.

I have a fear that ink in a journal or words typed over the internet are so permanent that they cannot be destroyed. Even though elements like fire and water can ruin ink, it has still been placed in a semi-permanent existence. I choose to use pencil if I actually journal, 'cause it is not permanent one swipe of an eraser and I can destroy everything I just created.

I have a fear of really being who I am.

I have a fear of not knowing who I need to be.

I have a fear of becoming the man I know I need to be.

I have a fear of failing in other people's eyes. I feel like if I put my true self in a journal and someone got a hold of it, I would not meet up to the person they thought I was. I would not be who they thought I was.

I have a fear of not meeting that standard in other people's eyes.

I comes down to I have too much insecurity in who I am and don't want people to know that. Well, I'm going to try and work on that. Whether it's on a blog (here) or if I journal. I'm going to work on overcoming these fears. Will I be successful? I don't know, but maybe I can break down some of these fears in the process of finding that out.

Never Can Keep Up, Can I?

Well, I wish I was good at this blogging thing. I'm assuming I don't do well at it since it's almost like a journal, and I hate those things.

Well, the school year is over, I haven't blogged since November. I've gone through a whole semester, a major holiday, and gone through almost half my summer break.

This past semester was great, tough (at times), and tiring. I loved every minute of being Children's Ministries director and know that I will miss Crosswalk a ton. However, I am very excited for Emily taking over and the other areas of campus I am moving to in my student leadership positions. I had a great trip to Romania and a team that was amazing! Hall Council ended the year well with a Gayle Lewis birthday party and Movie at the Palace (Paul Blart: Mall Cop is amazing!!). I'm excited to be the President of such an amazing dorm next school year!

I finally asked the woman of my dreams, whom I love with all my heart, to be my girlfriend. She is my human perfection. I got to bring her home for a week at the beginning of the summer break. Also, I got to go to Mississippi with her over Easter weekend and meet friends and extended family.

My sister got married while home during my first month of break, which is a weird thought still.

I have now been living in Naperville, IL for the past three weeks with Pastor Mike and Heather. I am working with Pastor Mike at KidsConnection at Calvary Church (a church of about 7,500 people including 1,200 kids). I was warned that it's a different way of life and when people are short, blunt, and seemingly rude, they aren't because that's just how the area is. However, I have not run into people like that. I have come in contact with some of the nicest people. I have felt so welcome from the moment I got here, and I love it! I've made friends with a handful of people that I hope to stay in contact with after I leave. (I will with Lauren Pyles, because she's a CBCite).

We just started Blast Remix this past week, which is summer camp meets VBS meets survivor. We had 154 kids for our first week! I am one of the field directors (rather than a tribe leader, like the previous 2 years), meaning I am in charge of 8 tribes on my field and I run their games. This past week was our egg week, with egg toss, one-minute egg smash, and egg baseball! It was totally awesome! If they got it working there should be pictures and a video up on the KidsConnection blog. Go to Here and go to the blog from there to see it!

Well, that is a very brief overview of my life since my last blog... who knows maybe I'll end up doing this more frequently...